Lost Without Reality
by FHT3rdandCo
Summary: Without an option, Son Pan is shoved into a dire situation. In a world where nothing makes sense to her anymore, what could she do to regain what she knows she must have lost? The question that assaults her constantly, is sanity an option? [UubxPan, AU]


((A/N: Alright, I know I promised 'Scribbles' first and I really, really, should update 'Spring Dance' and 'Waking'(I'm halfway through with the next chappy's, BTW) _but_ the computer I have those typed out on is, sad to say it, currently not working. But I simply can't leave UubxPan fandom alone at a time like this, it occurs to me that I've been paying far more attention to my SasuHina(NARUTO) fandom and have practically abandoned my good friends in UubxPan!! Gomenasai!! I'll update more often and I shall write and draw UubxPan more:3

Oh yeah! Have any of you seen my new UubxPan pic? http // fishheadthe3rdandco . / art / UubxPan-Color-Pencils-65704370 WITHOUT the spaces. If that doesn't work, just go to my dA account(there's a link on my profile) and search through my gallery.

A special shout out to 'someone' and 'skittles' for reminding me of my UubxPan fandom!!))

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**Lost Without Reality**

'_Where am I…?_' the vague thought, as silent and incoherent as it may have been, caused agonizing pain to shoot through her. For a few more moments, hours, minutes, pain was all she knew once more.

It was frustrating, in a way, to be in too much pain to even think, to tell how much time had passed, to connect words with the endless sea of meaninglessness that seemed to surround her. In another way, it was far too painful to focus on the simple emotion of frustration.

Her eyes wouldn't open, no matter how she begged them to; they remained slammed shut, as if flinching about a blow soon to come. She knew her clothes were but ribbons at this point, she knew that there was more blood covering her than clothes. Every inch of her screamed in pain, there was no numbing mercy, it was all an abyss of pain.

When she could think, few times as they were, her common sense pleaded for her death, her lips wouldn't part to beg for it, so her mind screamed for it. Still, that was her common sense.

Son's, as a general rule, were _not_ known for listening to their 'common sense'.

Thus, Son Pan would not obey such a vague force of reason. Not now, when pain was all that was in her. Likely not ever, would such a strong willed girl yield to such a thing.

She didn't believe death would stop the pain.

She _wouldn't_ believe it. She needed to live.

'_Because…_' the thought came to a screeching halt as, once again, the pain intensified.

Would anyone save her? A part of her cried in indignation that she didn't _need_ to be rescued, she was strong and intelligent and she _would_ find a way out of this endless cycle. A more logical side, not quite her 'common sense' but still using more logic than she'd like, explained that there was no out, not even if someone saved her.

Her father and mother…? They were strong, they could save her… but did they even know where she was? She wasn't even sure where she was anymore.

Was she ever sure?

What happened, how did she get here? Why was she there?

"'_Tousan…?" she muttered in mild surprise and confusion, catching sight of a familiar man out of the corner of her eyes._

_She knew it couldn't be her father; her father was at a meeting in Tokyo…_

Suddenly it occurred to her that she didn't want to recall.

_Still, even though logic said otherwise, she followed the figure that had looked like her father._

_Weaving in and out of crowds she just barely kept sight of him, just barely able to follow, but never quite able to see his face._

She really didn't want to recall.

_Farther and farther outside of the city she had been in, the crowds grew thinner yet the man before her still managed to elude her complete sight._

_When she reached a forest she finally blinked in confusion._

_In that split second, the man had disappeared._

It was as if someone was forcing her to remember, fear came to her and she ignored the pain emotions brought. She couldn't remember. It was scary. _Terrifying_.

"_Eh…?" She wondered if somehow she had been imagining him, it wasn't humanly possible to simply _disappear_ like that. Her father was fast, he was the original successor of Grandfathers dojo… but he wasn't _that_ fast._

_A sudden chuckle to her left caught her attention._

She tightened her eyes shut further, squinting as hard as she could, hoping that somehow it would save her from the memories.

"_Poor little girl… thought she saw her papa, followed like a cute puppy." The words were foreign, but she understood them enough to get the gist of it, her grandmother had pounded several different languages into her when she was a child and English was included._

"_Who are you?!" she went into a fighting stance, her own training at her grandfather's dojo showing._

This is where it got scary. Something in her explained with faint amusement clear.

"_I don't have a name… may I have yours?"_

_Pan blinked, surprised at the question—_

"_Iie_!" her lips forced open and she let out a hoarse scream, "Iie!!"

Her head pounded but she kept screaming. She refused to remember this. She refused to be reminded.

She felt some of her wounds open further and wondered if perhaps she was thrashing.

She was bleeding again, it poured everywhere and she found she didn't care.

'_As long as the memories stop. As long as the memories stop…_'

'_Scream louder._'

"_Iie_! Onegai! Iie!!"

She wasn't sure how long she screamed, she wasn't even sure about what she said most of the time. Eventually, however, a numbing sensation overcame her will to scream.

She couldn't feel anymore.

And that's when she fell into unconsciousness.

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((Ending Notes: X3 the UubxPan goodness will begin… you just have to be patient. So… yeah, kinda dark, ne:3 maybe I'm in a sadistic mood.

Oh yeah! For fans of my SasuHina fics that may be reading, I shall update soon! My computer will be fixed soon and I'll be able to update!! Sorry about the wait!!

-Muse-chan avoiding housework.))


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